Just took the accounting test... and it was bad... it was hard even if I studied [although I didn't put as much effort as I should have]. Parang it's coz accounting is all I have now, I have to do better. I mean, I go for mediocre results in everything else [yes, that means EVERYTHING else] and since accounting is one of the few things that can actually identify me... I feel the urge to excel [other thing could be basketball, and KoL? HAHA] I don't know... parang I have to be special at something... at least... right? After all, I heard a saying that meant something like
you should rather be great at something than good in everything.
Pero wala... still the same... I'm still a sissy and quite GREAT at being one too... hahaha! Maybe it's an asset? HAHA yeah right! Same old story, same old ending... I'm still the guy who runs away... ganun talaga eh... bading! Haha!
Recently, I've been having a lot of time alone... I mean having the oppurtunity to play KoL for 7 and a half hours straight gives me enough time for myself... parang loner na nga ako in a sense. I mean... if mao wasn't my classmate, Id be having breaks ALONE! I'm not complaining though, it's like I lost the "desire" to find people to be with... parang if you're not readily available, I wont go to all the trouble to look for you... haha! Did that make sense?
And all that time alone has made me think once again... WHAT HAVE I DONE WITH MY LIFE? I'm not asking about all those great achievements coz I'm thinking it's too much to count... but I'm actually asking something else... parang I want to do something great... something real...
something that MATTERS! I don't know what yet, or how.. or even why... parang I want to accomplish something to prove something to myself. And I don't want those cliche goals where I say I will get better grades or better study habits or something like that. I WANT TO DO SOMETHING THAT'S CONCRETE... any suggestions?
But then again... there's something about me that just stops halfway. I'd like to say it's coz I'm lazy but I'm thinking its bigger than that [although it is really part of the reason].. something stops me... and that thing has been my weakness for as far as I can remember...
what other people think! I mean... why is that so important right? It shouldn't be, but somehow society has been successful in teaching me that it MATTERS what other people think... maybe for decency's purpose, but what about other things? Ahk... I'm not making sense anymore
BASTA! I want do change what I've been doing recently, because I've been doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING [except KoL haha]
Or maybe it's time to accept my place among the loners... at least I'll have a place, right?
Accept