Unlearning the ropes

It's 5AM and I'm trying to stay up so I can go to Ateneo and register. I found out today that school resumes on Monday. WTF right? I seriously need to set my priorities straight.

On the topic of priorities, I can wholeheartedly say, without sarcasm in my tone, that school is my number one priority. So how did things get fucked up with me not even knowing when school starts?

I call them spur-of-the-moment decisions. These are the decisions that require less brains and more intuition. And that folks is what I fear I am lacking in. Intuition goddamn it! I had been thinking that I had at least a week more before school started, and obviously I was wrong. I didn't even bother asking anyone or calling the school because I was so sure I was right.

So here's where the problem actually is. People make spur-of-the-moment decisions everyday. What to wear? You rarely plan for it. You choose whichever you feel like wearing (unless of course there's an event or whatever). What to watch? You eat what you feel like eating. And every goddamn else thing there is that is neither planned nor expected. Even what to do at that current time that you are doing absolutely nothing.

Actually, spur-of-the-moment decisions rely on your expertise on whichever thing you are deciding on. One assumes that after being alive for so long, you'd at least have been used to deciding what to wear on what day that you no longer need to think about it. It's something like practice makes perfect. When you've been deciding on a certain matter, in a certain way, then by all means when you come upon a same road, you make the decision you've been making your whole life. But what happens if the decisions that you've made your whole life were actually wrong? That the decision you've gone used to was the wrong one?

I fear I have been used to the phrase "Come what may" that I no longer make plans. I keep rationalizing that given a situation, I would REACT. If, for example, I am invited out to drink with some buddies, why not? Or should there be an oppurtunity that arises, then take it, right? It doesn't sound so bad now, but I feel I've been living that way for as long as I can remember.

Why can't I, on the other hand, ACT instead of just REACTING? Why should I wait for an invitation when I myself could invite my buddies? Or why can't I look for opportunity instead of waiting for it? Why can't I take the initiative and be ACTIVE, and not REACTIVE?

It's because of this trained thought that my spur-of-the-moment decisions are reactive, instead of being active. It's what I've gotten used to. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone when I say this.

Is there a cure? I should hope so. A person's brain is all so complicated I should think it possible to untrain oneself.

Unforunately, UNLEARNING something is a hundred times harder than LEARNING something new.