Graduation Day
I'm thankful I went through with it, even if no one was there to watch me. I kept telling myself it didn't matter, but somehow it did. I was consciously looking around while we lined up to march. Even as I reached my seat I constantly looked around. Maybe unconsciously, I wanted to see someone who was there for me even if I knew that was not probable.
It definitely represents a milestone. I can't argue with that. So as the ceremony continued, I kept thinking to myself about what I was actually doing there. For a moment, I didn't feel like I belonged. It sucked more since I didn't have any friends near where I was so I was just quiet and thinking to myself the whole time. "Why the hell am I here?" That's the statement that kept popping up.
Fortunately, this stranger to my right asked my for my name out of nowhere. We struck up a conversation in the middle of the ceremony, while the names of the other graduates were being called. It was great to be distracted. She was very nice and friendly. As the ceremony reached its end, the final words were said by Nebres and we were allowed to go. I looked around, and I realized that everyone must have somewhere to go to, but not me. I just had to give my toga back and get my diploma and leave. There'd be no family pictures nor family dinners, only a long walk out the Ateneo campus.
If I would admit it, and I wouldn't really, I felt a little sad. I know it'd feel cheesy if I had my parents there and we would be celebrating and my Dad would be giving me a handshake and my Mom would be hugging me right after, and maybe I'd feel like they're embarrassing me but I'd have wanted that. They can embarrass me all they want but I'd still love them. They're my parents after all. That's just the way it is.
Of course, I wouldn't admit any of this so I'd keep my cool, even to myself. I walked out of the campus alone, just thinking, getting ready to celebrate since I had planned to at least celebrate with friends after all.
As I kept walking, I just had the greatest idea. Maybe my parents were there after all. I wouldn't see them of course, given the fact that they're dead but I kinda felt them. I may just be imagining it, but I didn't feel as lonely as I thought I would walking out the campus. It was a pretty long walk after all, coming from the highschool covered courts all the way outside to Katipunan. Maybe, just maybe, they were there beside me as I walked out. Maybe, just maybe, they were watching me walk on stage and receive my diploma. Maybe, just maybe, they were really happy for me too, just like the other parents for their child. Maybe, just maybe, my dad wanted to shake my hand, just as I would've imagined it. Maybe, just maybe, my mom wanted to hug me and shower me with kisses and embarrass me, just as I'd have wanted her to.
But back to reality, I'd meet my friends soon so I keep my cool. Later that evening I met up with a few friends, Mao, Enchong, and Kester. I was only expecting a few more people to arrive, but I didn't expect how it turned out. There were probably around 15 people there. We didn't even have enough chairs so some poeple just stood up. This was a public place by the way so I'm not sure it was okay that people were standing up and just chatting and celebrating, but whatever. It felt nice, that those people wanted to celebrate my graduation with me, even if I kept telling everyone, and myself that it wasn't really all that important.
Maybe the ceremony wasn't all that important. Maybe going up the stage was meaningless. Maybe I'd forget about the experience even before I forget the cellphone number of a certain girl that I like. But I'd learned there that I'm not really alone. At least not that much.
Maybe soon I wouldn't even deny that I miss my parents everytime there's some important event in my life, even if I had already spent longer years without them only at 22 years of age.
Maybe... Just maybe.
posted by JimmyCheese at 9:56 AM
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