Facing the world head on, but eyes closed

I don't think I'm ready to grow up.

I'm not fond of the idea that I could get jailed. I don't like thinking about the job that I haven't started looking for. I try avoiding issues that pertain to money, the use of money and how to earn it. I'm definitely not a fan of not being able to freeload off my parents (although it's not really because I'm growing up but just because I literally can't due to its impossibility), even if I'm mooching off someone else's. Basically, I'm just not ready for responsibilities that have dire consequences to my future self.

But unfortunately, I keep thinking about it. I wonder how my future self would react to how I'm living my life right now. Let's summarize it for a bit. I cut myself off of my sister's family who I've been living with since my parents died. I did graduate even after I left thanks to my brother, and 6 months after, I still don't have a job. I'm living with a friend's family, with no income, just being a freeloader. I've spent less and less time with my friends. Did I mention I've spent some of my remaining money for weed? And even with all these things admitted, I cannot in good conscience say that I'm "inspired" (I am compelled, but I don't see the urgency... it's kinda hard to explain) to move to greater heights. It's not that I'm happy, (or unhappy for that matter), but somehow I feel there's something wrong with the way I'm living my life and yet I don't feel the urgency to do something about it.

As my high school's self's future self (Did that make sense?), I'd say my high school self did a lot of good things, more of bad things, but all in all it's not so bad. I have my fair share of regrets but who doesn't?

My fear is that this whole thing would end up as one big regret. I hope not. Happy or unhappy, I must admit I am having fun, but I still know that something's missing.

And I'd bet it's probably that thing called maturity.

Or maybe I just don't want to admit that I'm too scared to face the world.

On a lighter note, I predict that when my future self reads these past few entries I've had, he's gonna think to himself, "First I was a sissy emo, and then a I turned into a drama freak." I sure hope his next though is, "Thank God I'm done with that!"

How to live you life

Make a fool out of yourself.

Regret the other stuff later.

Job Hunt

I just received an e-mail from Metrobank telling me that I was "one of the Top Students of ADMU who were recommended by APO (Ateneo Placement Office) to Metrobank."

I wonder just how long this list of "Top Students" is....

I've begun writing a new story... I got sick of writing realistic events so I wrote a fantasy based work of literature... There isn't any actual output yet but I've written a synopsis.

Did I really choose the right course?