Money makes the world go round

Naivety is a disease. And no, I haven't turned into a cynic.

I always thought I was the good guy. I try being a good person on a daily basis. But along the way, I realized I was doing something wrong. It all started with me leaving the 'comfort' of my home.

It was November 29, a Sunday. I had been avoiding my brother-in-law for a week now. I strongly believed that we had irreconcilable differences. There were trust issues and I ultimately decided to take 'avoiding' into a higher level. The next day, I ran away from home, thinking I can do it on my own.

Twelve more days means I haven't been home for a year. Was it a mistake? Do I regret it? I ask these questions as I battle my conscience into believing that I'm doing this for the right reasons. Be independent? Yeah right! I haven't been independent since the day I ran away. I needed other people to help me because I was too selfish to endure the situation I was in. In that sense, I felt that I had burdened people, in one way or another. In that same sense, I realized I was being selfish.

I've slowly lost confidence in myself over the past few months. It's been eight months since I graduated and I still don't have a job. I had ultimately quit my previous endeavor of business, thinking it was easier to find a job (since I thought the business was moving too slow and I didn't have the luxury of not earning money), and five months after, I'm still not earning, still freeloading, still dependent.

Being optimistic is good. Being ideal is great. But being naive is just plain stupid. I need to grow up. I need to take responsibility. And I need to follow through. So, what have I learned in the past year of trying to be independent?

Everyone's got a sob story, so don't fucking think that you're so special.

Do something!