Imperfect Moments

 I hope this puts a smile on your face for when you need it.

It has been a while. We stayed home in La Union for Christmas and New Year. Had simple pasta and wagyu. Finally did the house clean-up. Made time for co-op gaming and extra-curricular activities. A pretty chill vacation, honestly. 

My running and exercise improved, but still not at the level I had hoped to be at by then end of the year. 

Just writing some memories that may get lost along the way.

I'll try to be better at that too.

I feel like this is something we can read in ten or twenty years maybe.

Love you darling!

Vámonos

 Happy 4th wedding anniversary my darling!

We both agreed a few months ago that the Bali trip would serve as our celebration, so I hope the flowers were enough for today.

We'll have a simple lunch date - and fancy schmancy home-cooked "dinner". Just a very simple celebration for today. 

Love you hun! We'll get to where we want to be.

Vamonos!

Ending

I've been thinking about my mortality recently. Or fear of it. Mostly the fear of not existing. What happens? What happens to my consciousness? My Being? Then I think about my health. Why have I not been living healthily? Why haven't I been exercising regularly? Why am I being lazy about it? I convince myself I'll change. And I'll really try too. 

Then the mind becomes complacent. Goes on autopilot and forgets about these fears. Life goes on. Other more pressing concerns and worries. Other more important things that need focus.

Life, I guess.

Rooting for you

It's been a week since you left for your business trip - I hope you've enjoyed your well-deserved alone time. With that said, our home misses you. The bed misses you. The dogs miss you for sure. My tummy definitely misses you. I have been eating processed and/or fried food for the past few days. I should cook - but there's just less motivation if I'm the only one eating.

Anyway, just a quick message for you on our conversation today - "Whatever you decide to do - just do it. Take that small step. It starts there, right? Whether that's tackling the issue directly, or ignoring the noise, or aggressively pursuing an escape, or even keeping everything bottled in - maybe some sort of acceptance of whatever choice you pick will help keep you sane. Feel free to rant to me anytime."

Starting Point

I hope this recent breakthrough in our cookie endeavor continues. I guess at the end of the day, selling is still in your blood. Keeping my fingers crossed for more opportunities like this.

Abyss

There’s a strange kind of silence that comes with feeling stuck - not the peaceful kind, but the heavy, echoing stillness of an abyss. It’s not always sadness. Sometimes, it’s numbness. Sometimes, it’s pressure. And sometimes, it’s the quiet weight of expectations. From yourself, from others, from everyone.

And your only hope is that the abyss isn't actually endless. That there is actually light at the end of the tunnel.

And maybe then I don't have to pretend to be burn brighter than I actually am.

Running

At some point, you realize you are getting old and getting the appropriate exercise is necessary. So I started running - or I guess jogging for now. I always thought I would enjoy it, but I was always too lazy to actually start doing it.  

Here's a blog post to remind me I am trying to set the habit at age 38. And here's to hoping I built that habit for years to come.

Slow and steady.

Your Name

I found it very unique when we first met. That was the first time I've seen that name - Aize. Several friends have misspelled it. I don't know anyone else with the same name. And have only ever seen similar names online. 

And after almost 14 years of being together - I'm still not sure how that name came about from your full name.

Aize has an effortlessly modern ring to it. It feels like a name made for someone who’s a little mysterious, maybe a little weird, and does someone who does not 'go with the flow'. 

Did you know that in some Nigerian languages, Aize can be a short form or variant of longer traditional names like Aizehi - meaning Let it be God’s will (according to chatGPT lol). I will rarely ever call you with your name, but it will always hold a special meaning in my heart.

I know today is probably a forgettable day. But Happy Birthday hun! We'll get there!

Chaos in Thought

Yesterday and now.

Also known as the two best times to ever do anything.

There is hope that today is the start of that elusive jogging habit. Start slow, tempered expectations, achievable goals. Less thinking, more doing.

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I know re-reading these has been a cringe-inducing experience, but I feel like I would appreciate it when I am much older.

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Practice for the birthday post!

A Love Letter for the Future

I love you.

I know actions speak louder than words, and I know I've failed that these past few days - but hopefully I am able to make it up to you a little bit.

I am putting this in writing to be accountable. I. will. make. it. up. to. you.

But for now, I only have words for you. 

I love you darling.

Happy(?) Valentine's Day! Hopefully 'better late than never' applies in this case.