Basketball

Asar di natuloy. Grrr... hahaha! Excited pa naman ako.... sobrang accomplishment para sakin kung manalo ung block ko against Enchong's block. HAHAHAHA! [coz it's highly unlikely for us to win]

Long weekend... sana wala nang NSTP din... hahaha! PRAY

Tagaytay? Sama na nga lang ako... hahaha

No cuts yet... 2-3 weeks into the sem and so cuts. Believe it. Haha! Oh, and no missed homeworks too... readings.. well.. I missed one in SA... the most boring subject in the world. More boring than Theo... hahaha! But personally, I think it's the teacher.

Study time? Hrmm... lazy... oh wait!!! Nope! Not lazy... haha... but the weekend's long... study tom.. hahaha!

Listen to me. I have something interesting to tell you.

Head spinning

More like head turner. Hahaha!

I predict 1 - 3 mistakes in the History quiz... I got 58/75 in the accounting quiz, 67 was the highest [I lost 7 pts because I did not have a calculator and made a stupid computation mistake... HOW COULD I GET 212500 divided by 5 WRONG?!?!? And yes... I'm very bitter about that]. I think I did good in the Law quiz... I passed the homeworks on SA and Theo... but I'm not very sure about my quizzes for Fil.

Hey.. I think I'm doing ok... as a matter of fact... I think I'm doing pretty good. I just need to keep it up for a couple of months.

Should I go to that Dec 7-8 thing with my block? Hrmm...

Exchange gifts... ARGH! I didn't want to join. STUPID JONEL!!!!

I'm bad with expression. Terrible with expression of ideas. Hopeless with expression of feelings. I just laugh most of the time. Hahaha!

Yey! New place to live in. Nice place. I might actually get to play NBA Live 07 and FF12 there! YEAH! Hahaha!

I need to talk to Lorenzo and fix that game thing on thursday. Haha.

Cry

I'm not

Wishes

Why am I still hurt? It's almost been 3 months. Isn't that enough??? ARGH!!!

I think I'll quit smoking [or lessen] if I get to stay in Ateneo and play basketball in IAC. Haha!

Question. Quentin Richardson or Morris Peterson for keeps? Haha

I guess I won't be sleeping tonight... ARGH! Lack of sleep isn't good for me... or for anybody for that matter.

So... beach trip for christmas... who will I bring? ARGH!!! Whatta great time to have to bring someone... hahaha! I guess I'll be going alone... or at least without a girl... hahaha! No matter. But to tell you the truth... it's been one of my few... err... fantasies. To bring my girl to an out of town trip with my barkada, with their respective companions. Oh well... maybe next time.

Peace of mind? Is it time?

I'm hungry

Looks a little dark

Argh... I'll be losing the accounting book I've been using... I wonder where I'm gonna borrow a new one...

I didn't feel like studying the whole day but I did anyway... finished reading Law [old readings] and I studied History... but I doubt anything actually entered my brain.

Baka isipin ng tao masyado akong nagpapakabait ah... sa totoo lang hindi talaga.

I think the main reason is that I don't see an opening so why bother taking a risk... right?

I have found an excuse. I was pushed. ARGH! Hahaha!

I'm in need of a new and improved PC. I want to play Caesar 4... I also need a PS2... I want to play FF12... argh... argh... I feel deprived... WAHAHAH!

It's one thing to say something, and another to actually believe in what you say. Watch me prove everyone wrong. Watch me.

An unending cycle of broken promises. A promise to self. I will try once again.

Thoughts of failing out of Ateneo are still lingering in my head. I'm wondering what's gonna happen to me if I do. But no, I'm doing my best. I'm trying so hard. No one can see, but I'm fucking working my ass off. No one knows the shit I'm doing. I've never studied my whole life! I never copied notes seriously, never read readings except for Literature class... I NEVER STUDIED, PERIOD! Argh... PAIN! Hahaha!

I will succeed, no matter what.

With that being said... who wants to lend me an accounting book? Wahahaha!

I wonder

If I could... nevermind

I knew this was coming. I knew this would happen. Haha. Oh well.

More advice. Less thoughts. I can't say I didn't want it. I did, really. And I'm not saying it was a sure fire shot, but it was worth trying. But, something along the way, maybe conscience, brings me to an abrupt stop. I don't want to be the bad guy.

You find someone you love, and live everyday as though it were your last.

I've found what's wrong with me.

I've been pretty childish about something... but right now it still seems to be the better choice. I don't know.

I'll let myself get carried by my slaves. Whaaaaaattttttt?

Hay naku!

Didn't wake up for NSTP... not that I would have gone. I didn't know what time and where... so yeah. Haha... oh well

Slept the whole day and now I'm going out.

YEAH!

Rest and then drink. What a happy life.

BUM

Argh... study tom!

Yey!

My phone is found!!! YEAH! Haha!

But then it wasn't a very happy day... argh

Oh well... drank in Cantina just a few hours ago. I was with Maco and Jody... [not with the others]. After they left I left as well and now here.. DOTA and blog... argh... haha! Stupid

Hrmm... that's pretty much what happened today. Tear :(

HAHAHA!

How the hell do I go home now? ARGH!

Anyway... I've been asking for advice... and still... what do I do now?

Worst day of my life...

Well, no not really... but it turned out pretty bad. First, I ran out of cigarettes. Second, I lost my phone. Third, I had to run into people. Fourth, I probably failed that accounting quiz. Fifth, err.. I don't know but this day just sucked.

ARGH!!!!

WALA NA KO PERA PUTANGINA!!! WALA PA KONG CELLPHONE??? TAE!!!!

Life sucks. Tangina... eto nanaman ako. Life's twists and shit. PUTANGINA!! I hate it! Fuck life's uncertainties. Hahaha! nababaliw na tlga ako. PUTANGINA BADTRIP!!!!

Life has no sense of justice. Karma? I've been a good boy... right? Argh... Life picks on the good little people of the world.

I haven't done any school shit recently. I have a theo HW, SA HW and histo readings that I haven't laid a finger on... ARGH ARGH ARGH!!!! This can't continue... cram everything tonight!!! Tangina...

It's just not going so well for me...

And still I ask... what do I do now?

At least I have something to look forward to... tomorrow

Pero nakakastress pa rin ang walang phone. Badtrip pa may sore throat ako... badtrip magyosi.. pero stress.. TANGINA NAMAN EH!!!

Loner

Emo. Kasalanan ni Trini. Ang sarap mag emo sa bahay nya eh. Ang bilis ng net... hahaha!

Tite ka Jonel, STALKER! -Trini

Blink. Blink. Blink.

Why do people settle with something mediocre, or worse, something terribly below... expectation? Desperation?

I do not believe in Trini and Espi's Sin City.

Am I really in denial? Or am I in hiding? What binds me? What limits me? What keeps me? Am I being selfish? Am I being an asshole? Am I being a coward? Is fear in the way? Fear of what? Fear of hurt? Fear of losing something? Fear of people's reactions? Fear of what? What do I want? Do I want it? At what expense? Is there really an expense? What do I have to lose? What am I risking? Is it worth the risk?

Questions...

Do I want an answer?

More days

Eeek. Help? No, I don't want. Not that I don't need it, it would just make this true. I don't want it to be true. When it's true... it turns into something... err... different.

This is turning into one big mess. I could've denied... but nooooo.... hahaha! Idiot

Slowly, voices are heard from all corners. Soft whispers turn into clamor. There is nowhere to hide from the voices that haunt the mind. Invisible walls slowly close in from all sides as breathing turns into panic. One kneels and claims for salvation. There is no escape.

Happiness is but a temporary high.

I'm not happy. I'm not sad.

I'm emotionless. Yeah right! Hahaha!

To reach solitude is to gain control over one's emotions and limit it to its extinction.

Happy thoughts

You'd think I'd actually have some... and yes... I do. Haha!

Hrmm.. I think people aren't stupid. And definitely... I am pretty sure that doubts have been cast.

Another day without sleep. I think I have to fix this habit.

With every breath, the red marks the end. Only through a cowards expertise can one be saved. For it is that very essence, as though unseen, unheard, untouched that kills a man.

The journey to salvation never misses a suffering. Salvation is sweet only because one's suffering has reached an end. Without it, salvation is never satisfying.

Maiba lang ako ah... kung si superman may kryptonite... ako may wine... WAHAHAHA! Whole batch knows why... ARGH!

Here's something... I don't remember anything. I don't know you... you don't know me. And all will be good.

What do I do now?

A little confession

Ay... malandi daw? Hahaha! Nakakatawa naman ang mga pangyayari. Iniisip ko lang... anu naman kaya ang kwento?

Oh... and I've to stop kidding myself and everyone else. I'm not okay. I'm trying to be... like hell I want to be okay. This is in no way trying to gain pity or whatever dramatic bullshit people may think. I'm not okay... simply because I'm not.

I hope people understand... but no worries. I'm not wishing for anything back. I'm just not fine.

ANYWAY...

Classes are starting to be... err... fun? I haven't missed a reading... except Law... since I have no book yet. ARGH

I know I don't admit it... but it feels nice when your friends support you with the shit you say you want to do. It's nice when they say they believe you can do it and shit. I know it sounds err... it just sounds not me... but it's nice. I give you my thanks.

I had a little misconception on pride... hahaha!

This is turning into a bigger complication than how it started... I think that's not good.

I sound so problematic, don't I? Hahahaha! No worries... I'm not. Blogs tend to get me depressed... I think.

I have no one to ask advice from. Why? Because when I do... it makes this trouble true.

Uh oh..

I haven't read anything. SHIT! That's not good. If I dont finish everything by tonight... I might end up doing it again and again and again. I don't want that. I'm doing so well with reading and everything. No cuts... no missed readings... ARGH!

Going to west triangle tom... I hope. Haha!

I should really stop blogging and start reading. Maybe I'll just stay up... just to read... and stuff. ARGH!

I fear.

Excuse me... I'm just not myself.

NSTP, AMA Mall and Debut

NSTP... I was planning on not going... but I did anyway. Haha!

AMA mall.. again I was planning not to go... but I did anyway... because there were blockmates there. But they left coz they had NSTP... I stayed and helped. YEAH! At least I feel SOMEWHAT accomplished since I did help a little [although not enough for the title of AMA mall promo head] Haha!

Then debut. Ghetto Glam. It was nice. I couldnt smoke inside so I had to go out quite a lot of times just to smoke. Hrmm... Somewhat of a reunion I guess.

Serious talk with Lorenzo... hahaha! Hrmm... very serious.

Oh... and remember the post A nice guy's lament? I thought he got it somewhere... but Lorenzo told me he wrote it... so yeah. I stand corrected.

OUT

Impossibilities

Tanginang Casino Royale yan... ung last hand naman sa poker sobrang improbable mangyari eh... a flush, 2 full houses and a straight flush on a single round?!?! Hahaha!

Anyway... today... or I should say yesterday was great. Got to school early as usual and decided I should just smoke in Berch during mornings... till the sem ends haha! Classes were boring as usual but I haven't missed a single reading... not just yet.

Got to gateway with the block. Bought food. Did not want to be a gentleman and help the girls carry their bags. [Only Bin was man enough.. wahaha!] Watched movie. Wanted popcorn but never got it. Hands felt cold. [WAHAHA! I swear I wasn't doing anything! It was just really cold] Walked around. Accompanied Tin back to Katip. [and we had to let 4 trains pass because it was too full... she didn't want to ride a cramped train] Rode the 5th train. Met up with Mycko and Bam. DRINK!!! POKER!!! I won a game, won around 250 I think. Drink some more. Fall asleep. Go home.

So now I'm home... going back to Katip in a few hours... ARGH!!!!

This is where sleep comes in handy... I feel sleepy.

Somebody asked me something... something that was quite... err... straightforward. I answered vaguely I think... Hrmm... but I can't believe I actually somewhat answered it.

Oh, and fuck the social climbers. I guess that makes the two of you now.

Make this last... not forever... but for as long as both can hold on.

Live for the moment. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Sa simula nga lang ba?

Sana naman hindi... pakiramdam ko naman na tatagal ito hanggang sa pagtapos ng sem na ito.

Kung tutuusin, hindi ko pa nga nararamdaman ang katamaran sa pagbabasa... Magtuloy-tuloy na nga sana itong kasipagan na ito.

Sana uminom bukas... parang ayaw ko umuwi bukas eh... haha!

Panaginip. Nakakatuwa ang mga panaginip. Ngunit nakakaasar pagkagising mo, dahil bigla mong maiisip na panaginip lamang ang mga nangyari. Kung iisipin nga, parang napakabilis ng isang panaginip... nakakapagtaka dahil tumatagal naman ito ng ilang oras. Kaya tuloy parang ang sarap matulog nalang... kung kaya lamang pilitin ang nais na mapanaginipan... hahaha!

Nakakaasar palang magsulat sa Filipino. Ang daming kong hindi alam na salita kung kaya't hindi ako makapagpayahag ng maayos. Di ko nga alam kung tama ang aking... uh... grammar. Wahaha!

Ahk.. ang hirap magsulat... pero tinatamad din naman talaga akong magsulat kaya ok lang.

Tinutulak ba ako? O hindi naman kaya nagpapatulak lang ako? Ewan... bahala nalang.

On hatred and happiness

A moment.

Imagine. If you hated someone... do you think love [I define it in general and not in terms of relationships] at a specific moment could affect your disposition towards that someone? And if you loved someone... do you think anger [hatred] at a specific moment could affect it too?

Love cannot calm anger... not until that specific moment of hatred is ended. Anger on the other hand can destroy love... only then when the anger subsides does the feeling of love is reborn. So... if you think about it... LOVE steps aside when hatred steps in.

But you say that it is love that calms hatred? Yes... true... but as soon as anger is felt, love pulls away with the snap of a finger. [Yes, that moment when people eventually say that they didn't mean what they did during those moments of anger]. But love needs a hell lot more time to calm hatred. So... which is more powerful?

Fine... my definition of power is vague... but what the fuck? It's my blog and my opinions.

What if the happy people are just lucky because they are being fed with a series of happy moments? When those happy moments are gone, what do you feel? Do you feel happy or sad? Or do you not feel indifferent? [Yes, I claim moments like seeing a friend to be a happy moment, I put no weight on how happy you are]. So happiness is a temporary pleasure?

Ok, I'm not making sense anymore...

So I ask... what is a moment?








I don't know... but I do know that...

It creates change... more than anyone can imagine.

The power of a moment.

Bliss

Basketball... the game is just too... orgasmic... WAHAHAHAHA! Wait... wait.. let's erase that. Anyway... I played basketball a while ago... good game. Great game actually... basketball never fails to bring me to bliss [ok, now it just sounds like... argh haha].

Truly basketball is paradise...

And I realized I am more of a choker than I thought I was... a game from 1-15... score was 10-14... we were 14.... we lost... 19-18... ARGH!!! Idiot idiot idiot.

Basketball makes everything else... disappear... hahaha!

Anyway... Accounting teacher seems nice... although, she seems different... hope she's good. Law teacher is living up to my expectations... or maybe even more.

I'm currently reading Night... I hope I get to finish it soon so it doesn't bother the readings that are required.

I like MWF's

Una!

Yes... today was a great day. Professors... classrooms... walking... and all that other bullshit. It seems everything is back to normal and it's about time I took things seriously. Something else made the day nice too... haha!

I did get that first reading for SA... and I'm done reading it. I think this is the first time I've actually read a reading... except times before long tests and exams... good sign? I hope it's not just in the beginning.

Personally, I think I have sociological imagination... YEAH!!! Wahahaha! Sounds smart...

Ok, so tomorrow I'd be testing the schedules... I hope it's as good as mwf's... hahaha!

Sleepy time!

See through

I feel I won't be sleeping as much for the next few days... with commuting to school and home... argh!

Would you believe me if I told you I enjoy your company? Or would you say I'm just a liar?

Thought of the day: Conclusion on how to remove a woman's manipulative power over men.

I still have two middle fingers with really long nails... maybe 2cm long... or 2 and a half! Haha!

I haven't been doing my job for AMA mall... argh... need to focus? Argh... I guess I won't feel accomplished when that turns out very successful. Maybe next year...

So... tomorrow starts my "changing phase"... hahaha! It's time to see if I'm really smart.. or just all talk.

I'm not scared. I'm nervous... or is that the same? Argh... pressure. Everyone knows I'm not very good with pressure. I'm a choker... ARGH!

I need to find a way to get through this bullshit... or maybe, just maybe, I'd make one.

----------------------
Just a side note... I think Anger is still more powerful than lust... although lust isn't really an emotion... right? Didn't want to elabore... I might make examples that would be ver descriptive... WAHAHA!

Celebrations and tears

Congratulate me for an accomplishment. Self control is evolving.

Classes tomorrow... excited? Well, not really... but then again... I have to be excited. If I'm not, I'm gonna end up getting bored with it and just screw everything up again. Well, at least I don't see anything that could probably screw this totally, unlike last time... although that wasn't expected as well.

I haven't been doing much at home except do errands, play billiards, listen to iPod, internet and smoke. Someone needs to help me fix my study habits... or at least someone to teach me on how to study.

Like I said, it's either there's something... or there's nothing.

I have a new definition for selfishness. I think it's prioritizing oneself instead of another, and if you think about it, isn't really such a bad thing. But then again, we are bound by society's moral values. Greed on the other hand is very much different with selfishness, although connected. Am I making sense? Haha..

Ang ganda mo palang tumawa, pwede bang magpakilala?

Few

Whatever happened to stupid theories and philosophical bullshit?

I know what... replaced by unending rant. Rants that aren't even supposed to matter anymore. Stupid rants that everyone is probably sick and tired of. I know I am... but sometimes, I don't know why, I have to write it. Force of habit, I guess... So now, I'm ranting to stop ranting? Haha! Weird...

I have always wanted to ask a question. I never did get to ask it. I never had to courage to do so... And I still can't... WAHAHA!

But I do have another question... Are people happy? Can people truly say they are happy? Because at some point, a person has to contemplate on himself and a person will ALWAYS want something more... therefore there will always be something missing. And I believe that if you are incomplete... you are unhappy? Hrmm... Think about it... people will ONLY be contented, but never happy, because people are greedy. Or maybe happiness is just a temporary feeling. Maybe our natural state is indifference. Maybe...

Time... time is eternal. Time is pure. Time does not choose sides. Time is neither an enemy nor a friend. Time is true. Time is reality.

But as of this moment, I consider time as an ally. Time heals all wounds according to most people... therefore time would heal my wounds. And time would permit something. Time would allow me to feel this pressure of having to get good grades. Time... time... time.

And if I could go back in time... I wouldn't change anything... not even that point when I had to be born. Why? Because life is unfair.... because life sucks... because life is naturally a pain in the ass... But if you think about it, life's unfairness makes it... LIFE. Without those times you had to cry because of something, without those times you had to see grades that could get you kicked out of a school you have wanted all your life, without those times you had to feel self pity because of what you've lost, without those times you had to wish for something to be changed.... life would be but a simple, boring, no climax story that no one would bother to read. Think about it, why do people like drama and violence so much? Why is it that books, games and tv shows with such themes click with the crowd? Right? But then again, when you have reached the lowest you can in life [or the lowest you ever have been]... something like this probably wouldn't sound so bad...

And that goes to show how powerful emotions are. And this statement needs no elaboration. I believe everyone accepts this fact. I know someone who WAS very close to me to have been overwhelmed by emotions... and let's just leave it at that. I was too... and let's leave it at that as well. If you don't believe... try and remember when you felt a strong emotion... and what was done about it.

Hrmm... and after about a year or so... we go back to my saying... HATRED [anger] is the most powerful emotion... more powerful than love. Why? Because we are human. Why is this related? Because humans prefer something they understand. Everyone understands hate. No one understands love. It's as simple as that. [well, probably not... but these are just opinions]

I know... some of these stuff are probably written to convince me about some points... but I think they're what I believe in... at least for the moment... this moment.

Don't hate me though... I'm just someone trying to think.

-------
Haha! After rereading the entry... I can't help but see that everything in the entry seems to have been written to write about the hatred part... hahaha!

With thinking and stomach aches...

Thinking makes my stomach hurt... Hahaha! Joke lang

Trix! Since I didn't reply... dito nalang haha! Yes... we miss you too. Kaya magpakita ka naman sa katipunan sometime... haha!

Trini! Kelangan natin mag usap... kelangan mag warm up ung utak ko... mapurol na ata eh!

I've been having these weird stomach aches... ulcer? Haha wag naman sana!

Gusto ko uminom mamaya... sana may magkatip... haha!

I just realized... I'm all alone.

I might live in west triangle! YEAH! Trini!!! WAHAHA!

I've been having headaches too... something is wrong with me...

Psyching myself up for classes... STUDY TIME!

Drink and be merry!

Earl... inuman ulit! Haha! Masaya kagabi... maraming salamat... Hahaha!

Anyway, haven't been emo the whole day! YEAH! Not even when I woke up... coz my head and stomach hurt when I woke up. PAREHONG WALANG LAMAN KCE!

Block's going out? Haha... time to spend money again... HAHA! Control control

Right now... I still feel a little bit shitty. I feel hungry but still no appetite... I can still taste the gin in my tongue... hahahaha! And yes... di pa ko nagtoothbrush! WAHAHAHA! Joke lang... pero parang nalalasahan ko pa rin tlga... parang... pero di naman marami ininum namin... hrmm..

Malapit na magpasukan... oh no... serious time... tae... argh.

How do I get past NSTP without having to go to class? Hrmm....

I should've had that Saturday Law class.... or not... since wala na rin akong condo... haha! ARGH!

But what the hell... I'm still smiling.

Disappear

Ang daming bawal sa mundo... nakakainis! Haha!

Hrmm... kaya tuloy parang gusto ko na ung "utopia" na inihayag ni Trini sakin... WAHAHA! Di, di... masama un... hahaha!

This wound will soon be a battle scar. WAHAHA!

Fantasy Basketball... bakit ako natatalo?!?! ARGH! Haha!

Guys... pag walang natuloy na plano yung block... Basketball nalang tayo... kahit saan... cge na... please.. hahaha! Gusto ko maglaro ng basketball... GAME! Kung ayaw nyo naman.... inom nalang tayo... kahit saan... basta pwede makatulog... para all out ang pag inom.... dba? Haha!

A whole new sem to prove something to myself.... Something very important... something I have feared for quite a while...

Ang sakit ng tiyan ko... may LBM ata ako... ewan

Nahihilo ako... di pa ko nakakakain ng tanghalian... argh!

Argh!

What went wrong?

If I had a peso for everytime someone said I was emo... I'd be rich by now

And finally, I'm convinced... that she walked away. Finally, I'm convinced that I hoped for something that was never considered. I'm convinced that I was really being stupid on those few weeks I tried fixing things. Convinced...

So maybe I'm saying this with the same reason I keep saying that I can do better next sem. TO CONVINCE MYSELF... ARGH!

I finally made a straight answer last night... and I know for a fact it wasn't the beer talking.

This isn't healthy... hahaha!

I'm thinking about something... and it's not a happy thought.

Oh, and registration was nice and happy. Even if I was late.. hahaha! Idiot. Good thing I didn't have to choose any subject.

Sa panaginip nalang pala kita maisasayaw...

Pirate!

Argh! Haha! A number of people have told me that my new expression sounds like a pirate.

Anyway... no one has to worry because I have been convincing myself lately that I will do better. And no one has to worry about anything with that other issue as well...

Today was good. I was late for registration. I was in school from 10AM to 4PM. I did nothing except smoke, walk, and stuff. Drank in Ysabela after reg. Happy! Haha!

Got home pretty late but they didn't say anything. Cake was good!

And now I'm just really tired. Argh! Haha! I've been spending a lot lately... and some of it isn't even for me. Hahaha! I don't know why though...

I made a bet. For every Long Test failed... a group of people will benefit... but if at the end of the sem I get really good grades... Raf or the rest will benefit EVEN MORE. Hahaha! Argh... mahirap ata itong gagawin ko. HAHA!

Sleepy............................

Zzzzzzz............

I'll try to be so perfect you'll see

Grades and girls

Grades:
Spanish - D
Sci 10 - C
Economics - C+
Psych - D
LS 10 - D
Accounting - C+
QMT - D

I can only say wow...

Anyway... I read this from Lorenzo's blog... and I think he got this somewhere.

A Nice Guy's Lament
We've dried your tears, listened to you whine and told you it was all going tobe ok. Well, we're done fitting the "Nice Guys Finish Last" stereotype.We've gotten together and decided on a few things:
First, we are sick and tired of listening to you cry, and simultaneouslylosing out in the girl department. How many times have we listened to youmope about finding "a nice boy who will treat me with respect," when we'restanding here in front of you? Oh yeah, that's right, because you wouldn'twant to "mess things up." That's the biggest bunch of crap we've everheard. Maybe if we were as muscled and refined as Mr. Frat Boy, you'd giveus a second look. Well, you know what, missy? Not all of life is like asoap opera. How long do you expect us just to sit here and listen to yourlife tragedies and not fall for you? Are you that blind? We are sick ofbeing just another "girl" friend.
Secondly, cut the crap. We know what you mean; if you want us to go awayfor a while, tell us so. Don't lie and say it's "girl's night out." Thisis crap, because the minute you see a hot guy, you're suddenly "on theprowl." At least we guys are straightforward: we're either "on the prowl"or playing poker; those are our two modes. Also, if you don't like us, sayso. None of this "Let's just be really good friends" malarkey; thistranslates from girl language to, "I'm sorry, but you're just reallyugly." If we don't ask you on a date, it is because we are intimidated byyou; don't make us any more nervous or anxious by rushing to be our"friend" when we like you.
Finally, if the guy are with is treating you like crap, LEAVE HIM. I knowyou don't want to because he is hot, in Beta, and has the "prettiest blueeyes," but HE IS A SCUM BAG. You need to wake up and see that he is ajerk. He will not get better. He will not change. We are experts inempathy (reading people), and know that people, for the most part, do notchange. If he stands you up routinely, yells at you, or cheats on you, heALWAYS WILL. Just as he will always do these things, you will always goback to him. It is like clockwork. He will effectively own you, and treatyou badly, and we will cry for you because of it. Please do yourselves(and us) a favor, and let him go; don't save this one. I promise you, heis not THAT cute, and the sex is not THAT good. Nothing is worth gettinghurt, and we nice guys really want to affix our steel-toed boots to theirskinny Abercrombie asses.
All told, we want nothing more than to show you what a "good" guy is like.You know, that good guy your girlfriends tell you about. Well newsflash,ladies WE ARE THOSE "GOOD" GUYS. You are dealing with an untapped resourceof quality date material, and we think we deserve our chance. You can'tdeny it; you always tell us how sweet we are, and how "romantic" our ideasare. Stop trying to hook us up with your peg-legged cousin from Timbuktu,we are friends with YOU, we want to show YOU the good time we can.
Unlike Mr. Muscles, we don't like you because your halter top is tight,and you looked nice under the strobe lights. We know the inner you; weknow everything there is to know about you. Your innermost secrets havebeen shared with us. So we don't have the best dance moves and can't bench250, so what? Who knows you better than us? Who can you trust witheverything? That's right, ladies, us. The Nice Guys. The "boys." Thisultimately leads to the question, what are you doing Saturday night?"

Ode to the Nice Girls
This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.
This is what I don't understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mindgames, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intermural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.
So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in whore's clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congradulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.
So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what's a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)

I liked it... somewhat... ewan... haha! Basta!

Self Control

It's just not kicking in. Argh!

I still feel happy about something... but I know once school starts it'll all be just an incomplete dream. Tae naman... bakit ang drama nanaman ng mga sinusulat ko. Wahaha!

Tae... natatae ako. Nakakatamad tumae. Ganun ako katamad eh. Haha!

Bakit kaya gising pa ko? Ah alam ko, kasi ayoko magising ng umaga. Pag nagising ako ng umaga, wala pang gising sa bahay. At dahil walang gising sa bahay, mag isa nanaman ako. Masama pag mag isa ako eh. Masama talaga.

My nephew caught me punching my bed this morning. Wahaha! Argh!

Emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo.

Ayoko na maging emo.

Tae talaga..

Tae ka...

Tae...

Hahaha!

Okay...

Argh.

When can I stop feeling this crap?

Anyway... I don't know what I did today. Bunch of crap. A lot of crap.

Billiards. Tv. Sleep. Eat. Smoke. Billiards. Eat. Smoke. Walk.

Stupid. Haha

Where?

Everytime

Every morning... every fuckin morning.

Torture.

Gaddamshitmaderpaker.

Hahaha!

Galera galera galera! Waaaaah! Gusto ko sumama... ARGH! Haha... tae

I guess I won't be quitting

Something's changed. I feel it. I definitely feel it and something tells me it's a sign.

Thank you!

Makes the decision easier I guess...

Consequences... I feel these changes won't change back. Hahaha!

Character reformation? Watch me become "not lazy"

I hope this change in character lasts...

Oh... and I just screwed up all hopes of getting allowed to galera. Have fun blockmates! Argh!

Don't mind it.

Hey... if ever it was noticed. I'm saying now it's nothing personal. Ok.. it is... but only because it would be good for me. Since I can't stop blogging and reading blogs... might as well just stop reading hers. So this act shall challenge my self control. Haha!

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I wanted to quit blogging. I lack self control... ARGH!

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Oh, I wanna quit reading too, that's basically why I did that.

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Fine. I'm still hurt. I admit it. And that means I'm not completely moved on. So nothing's gonna be happening until I'm 100% moved on. Yep... that's right. A little more time...

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-lokshouldreallybeoutnow-

Addictive

I guess blogging is like smoking for me... I have to quit slowly [oh, but I'm not quitting smoking... not just yet]

I was reading really old entries... like almost a year ago entries and I wrote this...

"I'd rather have you break my heart than not touch it at all..."

Now I say... No... HELL NO! I don't want to have my heart broken... I'd rather have it not even laid a finger on...

Yup... Haha... Lessons to be learned.

-lokshouldbeoutforgood-