Christmas Post
Well, it's my third Christmas away from home. Things have been different this year though. I got to spend the day after Christmas with my family. Visited home for a couple of hours.
Funny thing though, I wanted to point out how I spent Christmas with a third different family this year. 2 years ago, I was with the Jean Jaquet's and the Duerme's. A year ago, I was with the Santos's. This year, well, I was with Aize's family. However, spending the whole of Christmas eve there was a bit of an accident.
Anyway, I just started to think about how I've forgotten how it is to be part of a family. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate fully how I've grown into being part of the Santos family, but the bottom line is, I'm really not. There's that underlying emotion or belief that I'm really just an outsider being provided a spot.
Just a side note: I already wrote this post, but posting failed so half of the post got erased. I tried, if just slightly annoyed, to rewrite it, but I feel that I failed, if not miserably. But I'm posting it anyway.
I miss that feeling of comfort. That freedom of being in your own home, with your own rules (provided that it's in line with the rules of your home). I miss that sense of belonging, that concept of "home is where the heart is" or "there's no place like home". However, not to take anything away from those who have helped me over the past couple of years, I've since lost that feeling even when I was still living at home.
But this Christmas, I sort of felt it. That comfort, that sense of belonging. I had a great time spending Christmas with you, and although it was awkward for me to spend Christmas with your family, the time when we were alone, I was most comfortable. I felt that, if just ever so slightly, I was 'home'.
Living with a friend's family has it's disadvantages. I'm never fully comfortable, just because there's that idea at the back of my mind that this isn't where I'm supposed to be. Maybe that's why it was never 'home' for me. Maybe 'home' is what/where/how I make of it, maybe it's just an idea, or a feeling. But whatever it may be, I've long since felt it, and you reminded me. We didn't need a flashy Christmas experience, we just needed to be together, and it was enough, as cheesy as it may sound.
I always heard that it's the people that make the house a home. Maybe the house wasn't really a factor. Just the people in it.
I miss that feeling of comfort. That freedom of being in your own home, with your own rules (provided that it's in line with the rules of your home). I miss that sense of belonging, that concept of "home is where the heart is" or "there's no place like home". However, not to take anything away from those who have helped me over the past couple of years, I've since lost that feeling even when I was still living at home.
But this Christmas, I sort of felt it. That comfort, that sense of belonging. I had a great time spending Christmas with you, and although it was awkward for me to spend Christmas with your family, the time when we were alone, I was most comfortable. I felt that, if just ever so slightly, I was 'home'.
Living with a friend's family has it's disadvantages. I'm never fully comfortable, just because there's that idea at the back of my mind that this isn't where I'm supposed to be. Maybe that's why it was never 'home' for me. Maybe 'home' is what/where/how I make of it, maybe it's just an idea, or a feeling. But whatever it may be, I've long since felt it, and you reminded me. We didn't need a flashy Christmas experience, we just needed to be together, and it was enough, as cheesy as it may sound.
I always heard that it's the people that make the house a home. Maybe the house wasn't really a factor. Just the people in it.