Runaway

Oh... how I wish that song was for me.

*GHOST*
I'll be going back to livejournal. Circumstances.
I had a funny but sad dream. It's about my situation right now and I can't seem to understand why it was Frank who was helping me out... LABO! Spying and more spying. then Raf had to hold me down coz I was too enraged. Haha! Tae... stupid repressed thoughts... haha.

What's really sad is that whenever I wake up, I realize... it's all so different now. Regrets... *sigh*

I'm waiting alone.

Ahh... Sanctuary!

Last night was good. It led to a lot of bad shit... no, it's not worth it... but I can't help but feel that it was a good stress release.

I was out by 330. Nothing to do... asked if I should wait.. guess not... went to condo... then to Rina in Seattles. Stayed there for awhile... til she wanted to see her crush in Starbucks... then crush wasn't there... blah blah blah... Straight to Cafe Ysabela with Lorenzo. Lottie and Peachy arrived shortly after we did. SARAP BOI! We should do it again sometime. I want to see pictures!!! Haha! So GF ko si Peachy... tapos kabit ko si Rina? HAHA! Again again!

By 7, everyone decided to leave... peachy brought me to drews to go see her friends... guess what? James was still there... with free drinks! OH YEAH! Even Peachy's friends [who I didn't know] gave me free drinks... I think that's why I got wasted... pretty much... puking on the bathroom floor... sliding in the stairs... tripping over steps... bumping and falling... and speaking very accented english! WAHAHAHA!

Friends... thanks guys... Si Kim at James at Randy ata ung nag-uwi sakin... salamat salamat!

Ah.. good thing not a lot of people I know saw how wasted I was...

I'm sorry to those who texted.. I couldn't reply.. walang load haha!

And I'm sorry to you... It got out of control.

Drinking should happen again... but not get wasted... definitely not get wasted

I'm supposed to be in the AJMA party... BUT SOMEONE DIDN'T TEXT EARLIER! TSK TSK! I really would've gone if you texted earlier! Next time... next time

Basketball didn't push through again.. only on my part maybe... I couldn't reply haha!

I think I'm leaving a while... blogspot I mean... Or maybe I'll just stop writing about shitty stuff like my life.

I should really stop reading and writing blogs.

Happy posts... happy posts

A post for a friend

Trust Trix...

And that's about it.

Wow... I'm still awake. Haven't studied chapter 6 and 8 of accounting. Tae.. I need to fix myself. What do I do? I don't think you're one of them... so I'm trusting it. Yup.. I'm just gonna be here.

I don't want to be alone... my mind works for the worst when I'm alone.

Single life... it's been a while... not sure if I want it really.

Don't get me wrong... I'm still just here... waiting.

I'm still here...

Friday! Drink with us! 5pm! [I don't really know who else is going... but Rina is]

Meeting with a lost friend on Saturday... tuloy ba?

Accounting test on Wednesday, I think... not ready... this is the first time I'm not ready. Tae

I need sleep...

Song..

I long for the warmth of days gone by
When you were mine
But now those days are memories in time
Life'sempty, without you
By my side
My heart belongs toyou
No matter what I try
When I get the courage up to
love somebody new
It always falls apart 'cos they just
can't compare to you
Your love won't release me
I'm bound under ball and chain
Reminscing our love
As I watch 4 seasons change
Here comes the winter breeze
That chills the air and drifts the snow
And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe
When springtime makes it's way here, lilac blooms reminds me of
The scent of your perfume
When summer burns with heat
I always get the hots for you (ooh)
Go skinnydipping in the ocean where we used to do
When autumn sheds the leaves the trees are bare, when you're not here
It doesn't feel the same
Oooh
Remember
The nights when (remember the night)
When we closed our eyes (when we closed our eyes)
And vowed that you and I would be in love for all time
Everytime I think about these things I shared with you
I break down and cry 'cos I get so emotional (I feel soemotional)
Until you release me i'm bound under ball and chain
Reminscing our love
As I watch 4 seasons change
Here comes the winter breeze
That chills the air and drifts the snow
And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe
When springtime makes it's way here, lilac blooms reminds me of
Thescent of your perfume
When summer burns with heat I always get the hots for you (ooh)
Go skinny dipping in the ocean where we used to do
When autumn sheds the leaves the trees are bare, when you're not here
It doesn't feel the same
Mmmm
This lonelinesshas crushed my heart (it's killing me baby)
Please let me love again
'Cause I need your love to comfort me and ease my pain
Or 4 seasons will bring
The loneliness again
Here comes the winter breeze
That chills the air and drifts the snow
And I imagine kissing you under the mistletoe
When springtime makes it's way here, lilac blooms reminds me of
The scent ofyour perfume
When summer burns with heat
I always getthe hots for you (ooh)
Go skinny dipping in the ocean wherewe used to do
When autumn sheds the leaves the trees are bare, when you're not here
It doesn't feel the same
Remember,
The warmth of,
Days gone by.

Hell week?

More like hell 3 weeks...

Last week was hell...

This week is hell too...

Next week, I assume, would be hell too... coz of Stat

and then, I HOPE a break week... then Finals week... tae

I'm burning... burning with desire.. hahaha! Parang bastos na ewan

Save me from the fire

Whatever, I do what I want! Hahaha! Tae... Miss ko na kayong mga gago kayo!

No condo after oct 7... how am I gonna live? No condo for finals week. Help...

Am I missing?

Anyway

I am forced to write this so..

TO ANYONE INTERESTED

Serendra (low to mid rise condo in fort bonifacio)
Ayala Westgrove (lots in Sta. Rosa)
The Residences at Greenbelt (condo)
Anvaya Cove (Membership leisure restort with villas Subic Bataan)
Ayala Greenfields Estates (lots in Canlubang)

Contact 09273317106

And no I don't know anything about advertising

Much has been said

Inspired

I'll keep you my dirty little secret

It can't end up like everything else.

Let me follow your tracks.

A. I look for it. It's nice. It's easy to talk to it, not like the others. It should happen again. I think I'd like to see it again.

B. Mystery. That's that. A one night encounter. Do I want it to happen again? Maybe... give it a chance or something.

C. I'm keeping it. I don't know if I should or I shouldn't, but I am. I'm keeping it a secret. It'll stay a secret until I am able to decide.

And one day, everyone will miss me, and then forget about me. All in just a day.

I wanted today to happen differently, but no, it happened just like the other days. It's today that I've decided... on nothing! Haha! Still clueless but I think I will consider the counter offer.

You know concrete colored buildings all grow stale

Follow the footsteps of the song. I haven't leveled up yet. I haven't gotten past the song level. Haha!

Let's drink the night away... I wanna try it. Just us... no one bothering us. Nothing

As I write this... knowing you're just somewhere near... just there... but somewhere I can't go you... I'm deciding... I'll try it. The ultimate spaceship... hahaha! Labo. But yeah... I'm gonna go for it, I think.

A book has to close.

Blogs suck. And yet I'm stuck with it.

Open mind. I'm running. I'd have to stop soon though. Break and breathe.

It's all in the mind....

Except for Trini's proposal for a MMORPG. And we already have a team of experts to create the game. Hahaha!

As Lovers Go

-end-

A simple...

Which one is supposed to end?

I can't... but I should?

Happiness?

Someone else's...

Incomplete thoughts...

Hmmm... GG na nga ata

Haha! DOTA!

I can't see my blog

Goodbye for now, I guess..

And into the air I shall vanish...

A wise man told a class... something about emotions. Wise...

Fear

Runaway

Lost

Cry

Die

It's been 7 days, I think. Feels like forever.

Ahh... DOTA!

Hmm.. Akasha? Scream of Pain? Wave? Shadow Strike? Blink?

I still need to do my selfscape... LT on sci 10, and psych... oh God... HELP!

I'm losing my condo now... I'll be homeless by next week. That's crap

Dead

I'm dying... slowly dying

I have to know...

Please...

I always thought I had a personality disorder... hahaha! Stupid Psych

It hurts everytime

Reminisce

I just realized... it wasn't so long ago. BUT, it started a little after that.

I'm reading old YM conversations... it sounded happy. Innocently happy, and yet there are hints... haha funny.

I'm feeling nothing matters anymore. Carpe Diem? Haha... maybe, maybe

Ok.. it's kinda hitting me now. Sad... but then again, it'd probably have been worse if we were at our peak.

I've got these thoughts I'd rather not say, and fears I do not wish to come true.

Maybe this thing... it'll be good for me. It'll help... somehow

Or maybe it won't even affect anything.

That would be hell...

Oh, how I wish I innocent. How I wish I was innocent...

I'll be waiting

What should the title of my show be?

Recent discoveries have led my life to a bigger twist than what had just happened. I can now say that my life can be a TV drama show. HOW GAY!

To think I was planning to spread a rumor about me... and find out something worse than that!

It hasn't hit me yet... I think I'll need a few weeks to actually process this news. All I can say is WOW! What a turn of events.

And no it has nothing to do with friends.. or girlfriends... or anything of that sort.

Maybe it'll hit me when everything else is laid down. Goddamn problems... Eco test tom, still haven't done my selfscape due last week... oh god... and that 3 papers thing for psych.. that thing for my stat group... OH GOD! Too much! Can't handle everything at the same time.

If a picture paints a thousand words then why can't I paint you
The words will never show the you I've come to know
If a face could launch a thousand ships then where am I to go
There's no one home but you you're all that's left me to
And when my love for life is running dry
You come and pour yourself on me

If I could be two places at one time I'd be with you
Tomorrow and today beside you all the way
If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die
I'd spend the end with you and when the world was through
Then one by one the stars would all go out
Then you and I would simply fly away

If a picture paints a thousand words then why can't I paint you
Cause the words will never show the you I've come to know
Then one by one the stars would all go out
Then you and I would simply fly away fly away


I'm awake in the afternoon
I fell asleep in the living room
and it's one of those moments
when everything is so clear

before the truth goes back into hiding
I want to decide 'cause it's worth deciding
to work on finding something more than this fear

It takes so much out of me to pretend
tell me now, tell me how to make amends

maybe, I need to see the daylight
to leave behind this half-life
don't you see I'm breaking down

lately, something here don't feel right
this is just a half-life
is there really no escape?
no escape from time
of any kind

I keep trying to understand
this thing and that thing, my fellow man
I guess I'll let you knowwhen i figure it out

but I don't mind a few mysteries
they can stay that way it's fine by me
and you are another mystery i am missing

It takes so much out of me to pretend

maybe, I need to see the daylight
to leave behind this half-life
don't you see I'm breaking down

Lately, something here don't feel right
this is just a half-life
is there really no escape?
no escape from time
of any kind

come on lets fall in love
come on lets fall in love
come on lets fall in love
again

'cause lately something here don't feel right
this is just a half-life,
without you I am breaking down

wake me, I wanna see the daylight
save me from this half-life
let's you and I escape
escape from time

come on lets fall in love
come on lets fall in love
come on lets fall in love
again

I think it's time that I felt what you felt. But on my part... I will be alone. I'm getting scared. SAVE ME!!!

I am recommending "Sex is zero" and "Windstruck". They are nice korean movies, plus the chicks are really hot.

Supposedly studying for Eco... but I have no book, no notes... except the internet notes. Crap

Now I'm confused! What will REALLY happen if a person gets caught in the random drug tests?

It's getting harder to type coz it's getting really long so I'l just make a new one.

Enlighten me

I wanted to go with you after... But I understand

I am calmer now... a lot calmer.

At some point during the day, I couldn't feel my legs... I wonder why?

If that's the case, then we might actually go somewhere

Forgive... and forget is not as easy as it sounds... for both sides... but I'm trying, coz I'm done with the first half.

It still hurts... endure... survive... overcome... succeed. Everytime... but I can get past this.. somehow.

Allow me...

Regrets

I lied...

I counter

Nor do you know how it feels to be lied at, cheated and more...

To be heard doesn't mean they should be neutral. They are free to choose a side, and from knowing me, you probably know I'm not very persuasive. Maybe you doubt the stories I told them... you are free to give them your side. But I think liking someone else during our relationship and actually entertaining those feelings are not likely to be chosen as a side. It's hard to be neutral when you know there is a victim. I gave them my faults... some did say they were "nakakasakal" but not enough reason for you to do this to me. Very little in fact compared to what you did.

I admit, my friends hate you. But you wanna know what really sucks? I can't seem to hate you the way they do. Even if I was the person who had to go through it...

Anger... Well good you felt anger instead of pain. I was in pain but... I was angry too... Monday, the moment you blurted out the truth... about the date.. I was just mad... I wanted to hit something... someone... but no. Tuesday... you were cold... I talked to you to try if maybe you want to fix it... as the conversation went, you were cold... so I decided to finally end it. I was mad still... calmer maybe. But finally, wednesday... I had to read that fucked up entry. I want so much to spread to the world what was written there, but I guess no one can see it... I was really mad... I read it just before I cursed you.

Earlier today, I thought... maybe we could work things out. Give it another shot. My friends keep on telling me.. no, don't you dare go back... don't even think about it. Bu I did think about it.. I wanted it back.. but now... to see you actually try to say that you are right... ouch! There must really be no regret for what you did... And I'm being stupid to think it could work out.

You're friends can't hate me! What the fuck did I do to them? What the fuck did I do to you? I didn't do anything wrong... at least not that grave. My friends CAN hate you because you liked someone else and entertained those feelings even when we were together. You asked for space, I asked for less time with him... I gave you space, you used it to spend time with him. They can hate you.

Maybe I'll go talk to you later for one last time... Maybe I should just forget about the questions I want to ask...

ANYWAY..

I needed last night. Thank you blockmates and I apologize for not being there 3/4 of the time. I met a lot of new people... that's burger, mabe(?), may, abby and cha... through louie. I didn't think I was this kind of person... but I just met them and yet it felt comfortable.

And this I can say... there truly is a first time for everything. Remember my principles? My so-called "principles".... THEY ARE GONE

And I was happy last night. Or at least the latter part of it.
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED
I just didn't feel like celebrating with my block... a person asked "jay, bakit di mo lagi sinasama GF mo pag labas tayo?" I couldn't answer... I said "ex ko?" and then the person just kept saying sorry. After that, I decided to just stay outside and smoke.

Bliss... I ended up running from Cantina to Xanland. My feet were really light and it felt like I'm couldn't feel my legs by the second. I actually ran past Xanland, up to KFC... and back.

I want more.

Don't hate me for this... but I can't just read and ignore. You try to prove you're right... I try to prove I'm right... we're not going anywhere.

Calmer

If I was as mad as I was now... I'd probably give some instructions about the ghost

But no... i don't want revenge

I don't want to stoop down to that level...

but I want to be heard

The ghost post

Alik... naalala mo ung pinangako mo? Kailangan na kita... may papatayin ka na
Patawad sa aking mga sinasabi... masakit.. hindi mo lang siguro alam kung gaano dahil sobrang
minahal kita... sakit
Di ko matanggap... di ko naisip na kaya mong gawin sa akin ito... minahal mo nga ba talaga ako?
Ano naman kaya sinabi ng mga kaibigan mo? haay...
Don't know who I'm kidding, imagining you care

You can take this love to go.. I've had enough of you.. things aren't working out

You know why? Coz you fuckin accepted someone else's hand... You fucked with me. And you want to end things nicely? Whatta joke..
You know what's worse? You don't even have the fucking guts to tell me the truth even after this
Pansin ko naman ako lang nasaktan sa paghiwalay natin eh... bakit kaya? Haay... wala ka na talagang paki.. meron ka nang iba eh... napaglaruan ako... alam mo, kung pumayag ka lang na bawalan kita sa pagpunta mo sa kanya, hindi mangyayari ito eh. Hindi mo rin pwede gamiting dahilan na lagi tayong nag-aaway, dahil siya naman lagi ang pinag-aawayan natin... naramdaman ko na eh... pero sabi mo "trust"... naloko ako... magaling
Pero alam mo ung mas masakit... siguro... pagkatapos ng ilang araw, linggo o buwan... iisipin ko... sayang... mahal naman kasi talaga kita... pero di ko na kaya tiisin... pinaglaruan mo na ko...
I shouldn't have given everything... I shouldn't have expected anything... I should have just settled for sex or something... but no.. I decided to love
di ka umalis dahil hindi ka sigurado sa damdamin niya sayo... makasarili ka... at nang nalaman mo na na pareho nga kayo ng nararamdaman... ayun na.. haay...
Buti na nga ata ako na ang nauna at ang nagsabi... ayoko nang umiyak

WARNING: Di ako nang-giguilt trip. Yan ang nararamdaman ko. Isipin nyo nalang side ko yan... para may benefit of a doubt sa pagkatotoo nito.

A Post for the Bored 2

Yes.. I didn't get to go back last night... I got lazy and decided to just stay in my room listening to Influence 4 times... shit.. the whole album over and over again.

Oh, happy monthsary to me! Yey! that's 7 months... that's it

Hrmm... To be honest, I still dont have the styroball thing... shit shit shit... patay

I need to shutdown... oh and I hate you. You probably don't know that but I do.

I'd be moving out of Xanland soon enough... tae haha! Parang squatter. Just like that time I had to sleep in the park... funny story... haha!

I want to do it right. I want to make things right. But I can't

I'll be back.. really

A Post for the Bored

Avremel: What is wrong with love?

Maria: Whats wrong? What's wrong?... What isn't? Love was invented as an excuse for everything that goes wrong. You beat someone up and you say, "But it's because I love you." You cheat someone and again you say, "But it's because I love you." You mention the word love and everything is forgiven. Well, I do not forgive!

From "The trial of God". How sad, such an undesirable truth, actually.. not literally.. there is a... something.. can't really explain. ADVERTISE! It's a good book haha! Unless God stuff bores you to hell.

Anyway... I haven't been doing much schoolwork. I'd rather not say why. I realized people have been noticing my... mood lately. They said I seem like I'm out of myself all the time. Hmm...

From Reader's digest
WAYS IN FOR WOMEN
"A man is like a hermit crab"... blah blah blah

Here are some "seduction" ideas:
-Talk side by side rather than face to face. "Getting in a man's face makes him feel confrontational"
-Do something physical together. When you go walking or cycling, a man's defences come down.
-Watch a guy flick. "There's a 95% tear factor when a group of men watch "Field of Dreams", says Powell. "Sport is the archetypal bond between men and their fathers - for most men, that's the most primitive, important relationship in their lives." Don't try to dissect the movie or analyze his childhood. Just be present.
- Don't press a man to talk about a bad day. Instead, let him know you've noticed his mood and let him open up if he wants to.
-Talk may be a woman's favorite form of foreplay, but men view sex as a form of communication. "We men express so much of our emotion physically," says Powell. "Sex is our way of expressing affection."
-Let men know what emotional support you need. In her research, psychologist Lisa Neff of the University of Toledo found that husbands can be as sensitive and supportive as wives, but often their timing is off. "Wives need to let them know what they want and when they need it."
-Say what he means to you. "At a quiet moment, ask your husband, 'Have I ever made you feel that I don't admire and respect you more today than when we first met?'" suggests psychiatrist Mark Goulston. "Tell him that you feel blessed to have him in your life, and you're sorry if you don't let him know that often enough. Most men's jaws will drop."

Not exactly funny... there is some truth in it... haha

Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing... idiot!

Co-head position sucks... Gahd how I hate work... Someone save me!!!

It all feels so real when I'm with you... when you say it... and then poof... it became Koko Crunch!
But there is a feeling of isolation somewhere... It's different... something that doesn't feel right. Fears

I want to write a story... I want to write a song... i want to write a play [but that's already WAY over my capabilities] I need to learn how to write. Something tells me my course isn't what I wanted... I feel like I chose it for the money... which isn't even sure. Haha! I laugh at my future... not very good.

I worry... I worry too much about everything. About my future, about my life, my studies, anything and everything. And it sucks!

It's hard... even harder that you confessed... makes things worse

Long post, I don't care! I have all night to write.

I love God... it's time I confessed, go to mass after... 9 months and be back to Him.

Accounting LT's 66.5 and 67.65! YEAH! Improving!!! HAHAHA!

I want to see you again... go with you again... chat with you again... laugh with you again... smoke with you again... drink with you again... but your gone. DEAD

I'm taking a break to take a shit. It's 8:44 in my watch... haha