Wakes and Funerals

My friend's dad just died and I came from the wake. Obviously we weren't really there to visit his dad, but to show support to our friend.

The longer I stayed, the more curious I was as to how it had been during my parent's wakes. I'm pretty sure I have no memory on my dad's wake and as far as his funeral went, I remember I was asleep on my mom's lap. I should have a memory on my mom's wake, but somehow, I can't seen to remember any, not even trivial things. I don't even remember looking inside the casket. I have some memories I think I remember but I'm not sure about them.

One memory pops up though. My aunt was crying and wailing so loud when it was time for her to be moved to where she would be buried. I remember I was crying, but then I think I was crying because everyone else was too. My brother didn't though. He was just staring at the casket.

During the funeral itself, I don't remember anything except when it was over and the same aunt who had been crying so hard was saying comforting things like my mom's in a better place and at least she's no longer suffering and things like that. Looking back, she might have been saying that more to herself than to me.

Maybe I did block out those memories, maybe being only 10 years old then makes it hard to remember that day, but I wonder how I would've felt if it happened when I can fully grasp the meaning of that day: that my most wonderful mom died and I would never get to see her again. I would NEVER get to see her again. I might have been to young to understand it then. NEVER. That's a really long time. Can you imagine?

But I dare not say that I was lucky they died while I was young. I would've given anything to have them still be with me today. ANYTHING. The joy of having more time spent with them completely outweighs the pain that I would feel it they died today. At least that's what I think.

But I do remember waking up right beside my mom when she died in her sleep.

Funny thing was that I still went to school that day and I couldn't understand why people were offering me their condolences. I didn't even know what that meant then. Actually, I don't even remember how they found out.

I don't think it's normal that I don't remember a lot of things...